Setiap kali ak buat sesuatu dlm hidup ku..its gonna be mess up all the thong goes wrong..yeah i know that my parents prayer have no more..i actually regret on something n before thos i had never admitt it..i find all thing beside me to blame on it..but inside me still kbowing that im the loser..nothing inside or outside myself..all pple seems like hate on me..yes o got paranoia in myself ..all things become negatif no more positive..i hate this situation..my sibling always been controlling me in and out..i dont know how to fight against them...i dont know even sout it aloud the thing s i evwn hate it..how im gonna do in my life i am also dont know..where i want to go i have to ask permossion like a child ..even how to go and else i have to ask the permission..what am l?????????????i even dont know.. until now..i cany do my own decision...i dont even confident to take any risks by my own decision..bcause alway made by my sisters..not talk to myself but other pple seem noticed it....i know something deeply in my..i want all this thing end fast..and stop paining inside..i know i should be a better person after my parents died a year before..i need to change.myself to be a better woman..better sister better child...but no one have guide me..they want a change but never show me how to change..they me to be like this and that..but they never ask me what am i want to be on my life...no one ask me those q.. i know and realise that money is nothing..i always remember my father said to me..ape skalipon trjadi kamu akn sntiasa blek pd pgkuan family kamu..abah amy fhm mksud abah but i am not like them..i am myself rebellious pple..i knew that i am not really really like others..i always do something on my own way my on head...dont wanna follow rules and so on...i hate myself for losing both of you..mak abah..i admitt that i really need u in my life..but now u r nowhere to find..just in dream...ineed to change drastically...but i dont know how..can anybody show me?